Christmas Without You
by sunnyblainey
Summary: The first Christmas Klaine experience without Finn. Alternative title: Thirteen.


Christmas Without You

_**Author's Note**: I changed a couple of the dates around to fit the theme, but it's still chronologically canon._

Christmas came a little too quickly for Blaine's liking. 2013 had been hard, right from the start. Little did he know how much harder it would get… When Blaine looks back on the year he can't help but wonder if it's true what they say about the number 13. On January 13th Tina proposed a Sadie Hawkins dance, and 13 days later, on January 26th, Blaine was forced to attend a dance whose very name caused his heart to beat quicker, and his brain to tell him to run. Run as far as he can and don't let them get you. Then, on February 13th, Kurt arrived back in Lima. He ignored Blaine's texts and calls that night, and when they finally saw each other at the wedding Blaine had barely gotten the words "How are you doing?" Out before Kurt was pinning him to the back seat of Blaine's car, but when Kurt left for New York again, they still weren't a couple.

March 13th was the day Sam secured Blaine in the friendzone. With that rejection came a wave of feelings Blaine had been keeping in for too long. It was the day Blaine nearly lost hope for getting Kurt back. He didn't get that hope back until March 15th, when Kurt called and said "Happy anniversary." Even though they weren't together.

April 13th was the day two gunshots went off in McKinley, causing Blaine to yet again fear for his life. That time, Blaine was almost 90% sure he was going to die. He survived, of course he did, but the following month, on May 13th, he lost a brother.

From then on, all the 13th's seem to blend together, the 13th he got his NYADA letter, telling him he hadn't been accepted. The 13th he nearly hit a deer on the highway, but hit the ditch instead. The 13th he received a phonecall from home informing him his grandmother is in the hospital again and they weren't sure if she'd make it out this time. _Yes, _Blaine thinks, _What they say about the number 13 must be true._

Understandably, he's apprehensive when his Immunology final is scheduled for December 13th. A Friday. After his rejection from NYADA he'd decided to pursue medicine, and lately he's been questioning that choice. While he's interested in the material and he looks forward to starting work in the practical field, Blaine is more stressed about school than he's ever been in his life. He understands now, the road to your dreams is never an easy one.

When he gets home from his final, it's to find Kurt on the floor, sobbing over something in his hands with a box in front of him. There's a half decorated Christmas tree in the corner and the room looks a little like Christmas vomited on it, but couldn't quite get everything in the right place. Blaine carefully hangs up his coat and steps into the room, as if walking through a minefield. He kneels next to Kurt and gently rests a hand on his shoulder, "Kurt?" He asks gently, "What's all this?"

Kurt sniffles, wiping furiously at his eyes with his sleeves, and it's only just now Blaine realizes Kurt's wearing Finn's old letterman jacket. When or how Kurt managed to find out where it was and get it back Blaine doesn't know, but it's here. "I-I didn't think you'd b-be home this soon…" Kurt says, clearly deflecting.

"It's almost six… I had to use the extra hour for the exam." Blaine informs his fiancé, frowning.

"It is?" Kurt doesn't look up. He doesn't look at a clock to confirm, his eyes remain fixed on the object in his hands. Blaine gently reaches for it.

"May I?" He asks, getting a small nod in confirmation. The object is passed to Blaine's hands, and suddenly he realizes why Kurt's been crying. It's a simple ornament, a frame made of wood with macaroni and glitter glued all over it. The picture in the frame is of Kurt and Finn on a Christmas morning. They both look much younger, Blaine figures this must have been in 2010, just after he met Kurt.

"F-Finn mentioned once how he was sad we'd missed so many Christmases as b-brothers, and how we never got to make cheesy macaroni art ornaments together as kids. S-So as my Christmas present to him that year I gave him two frames with a container of macaroni and we just went crazy…" Kurt's voice is quiet, wavering ever so slightly. "We each made one, and then traded. We promised each other that as long as we lived we'd both hang them on our trees at Christmas, so that even when we're apart we can always rem-remember that… that w-we…" And then whatever words come after that Blaine can't really translate, as it comes out as more of a sob and a whine than anything else.

Not knowing what else to do, Blaine sets the ornament gently on the coffee table and pulls Kurt into his arms. He tries to hold back his own tears as he rubs his fiancé's back. Christmas had come too quickly, it may have been months, but none of them had fully healed. If Blaine's honest, he's not sure if they will ever fully heal. He wonders if Burt and Carole are going their decorations right now, if they've found the ornament Kurt made for Finn and if they're feeling just as lost as he and Kurt feel without him.

He wonders if the pain will ever go away, if Christmas will ever hold the magic it once did. Blaine has always believed that the magic of Christmas was in the children. Finn never seemed to lose that magic. In 2011, Blaine had stayed for Christmas Eve dinner at the Hummel's, and Finn's excitement was contagious. He even left out cookies and milk for Santa.

Kurt's sobs have quieted now, and Blaine wipes away his own tears. "Why don't we hang it on this branch here?" Blaine breaks the silence, taking the ornament and hanging it on the centermost branch of the tree. Kurt gives him a teary smile, then nods in approval. Blaine offers a hand to help him up.

When Kurt's standing, Blaine holds his hands tightly in his own. "Finn loved Christmas… maybe he's not here physically, but he's here Kurt." Blaine places their hands between them, connecting to both their chests where their hearts beat. "Last year, just before I came to New York with Burt, Finn told me he was glad I was going, because no one should be sad at Christmas. At the time I didn't really get his logic, but I get it now… Finn wouldn't want Christmas to suck just because he's gone. He'd want us to smile, and celebrate, and Kurt? I want to see you smile… I love your smile." Kurt sniffles again, and Blaine gently wipes away a tear with his thumb.

"Thank you, Blaine…"

Blaine just shakes his head, and Kurt understands. Blaine doesn't need to be thanked. So Kurt smiles, kisses his cheek, and pulls a string of lights from the box. "Care to help me finish?" Blaine doesn't need to be asked twice.

In hindsight, Blaine thinks this is probably the best 13th of the year.


End file.
